Stephen Lynch

[kjm030584]

I love this man. If I were gay, and he were gay.... well.

http://www.stephenlynch.com/new%20images/lynch19.jpg

http://www.razorandtiemedia.com/photos/stephen_lynch_color_low.jpg

Anyway, he writes some really risky songs, but they're usually histerically funny. He has a new album coming out in October that I can't wait to get, I already have one of the songs from it.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000AOEN0Y.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

He came to our school for a concert once and it was just totally awesome. It just goes to show you how well a sick mind and a guitar go together.

here's one of my favorite songs:
Grandfather

When grandfather dies
life will be strange
when grandfather dies
my whole world will change
when grandfather dies
i'll scream and i'll yell
coz i'll be f***in rich as hell
so grandfather die
dont keep me in suspense
Oh grandfather cough
up that inheritence
oh grandfather dont
hold on another day
i love you to death
but i've got bills to pay

A stroke would be nice
Disease would be cool
I'll scatter his ashes in my new swimming pool
I'll jam with the stones, I'll dine with the queen
So let's say we unplug that machine
So grandfather fly
to heaven you must pass
So grandfather think
of all that juicy angel ass
So grandfather die
before the fiscal year
Oh how i
wish Kavorchian were here

For gods sake you must be as old as the hills
Im sick of the stench from your diaper spills
Your deaf, dumb, and blind, and an amputee
You donate your blood everytime that you pee
Your arthritis acts up whenever it rains
Your so old your penis has vericose veins Oh why dont you die
Oh why must you fight
You old mother f***er just walked toward goddamn light
Walk toward the light old man
walk toward the light old man

Its all over now
My grandad is dead
A mysterious blow
to his wrinkled old head
before i collect the small overcite
but everything should turn out alright
I'll start working on my grandma tonight


Anybody else heard of him?

[Little Bird]

I've heard of many Stephen Lynch's but not this one. Good ol' Irish name though.

Lyrics ring like a Denis Leary song and I love him. So I would say I would like this guy. I am sure 'tact' doesn't even enter into it but I'll keep an eye out for him.

(btw - his guitar looks like mine!)

[kjm030584]

yeah his guitar is a lot like yours. And of course he's irish... lol


here's another one of his songs about that:

Down to the Pub Instead:

Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lass

With child-bearing hips and a pink, supple ass

And make her your wife and love her with love so true

Now some rivers run high, some rivers run low

When her river runs red, then she's starting her flow

And it's called menstr'ation, and here's what it means to you



You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first

Stand back ? her ovarian dam's gonna burst

Son, don't be afraid, it's a natural t'ing

Just wad up some cotton and hand her some string

Put the old linens on top of the bed

Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead



She'll retain her water, her breasts will be tender

And every third word that you say will offend her

Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead

And she'll want to make love ? if you do, you're a fool

'Cause you'll only end up with a bloody O'Toole

Get out of the house ? down to the old pub instead



And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins

But son, it'll taste like some old rusty coins

So turn off the light, boy, and take off your hat

And drop to your knees, say a prayer to Saint Pat

Then he'll give you the strength to get out of the bed

And for Ireland's sake, go down to the old pub instead



Now the pub is the place where the lads are a-meetin'

When the moon's full and the gals are a-bleedin'

The Catholic, the Protestant, even the pagan

The pub is the place when your lady is raggin'

So drink of your pint, boys, and thank your shamrocks

That as menfolk we don't have to bleed from our cocks

And that we can escape from the lady in red

And get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead


It's so funny, he does this song with a thick Irish accent.


I <3

[Little Bird]

Is he actually Irish or just Irish american?

I love that last one. I am reading it in my own accent and it seems more suited that way than imagining it in an american one. Although it really is a disgusting song. Very Crude. It still rings of Denis Leary but I don't even think he'd be as crude as that. Yuck!

I have seen him in one of your avatars but I still don't know him.

(BTW O'Toole is my surname! Have no idea what he is trying to imply though)

[kjm030584]

Um... Tool means penis.


No he's like me, American but our ancestor's are from Ireland. Mine are from Scotland and Italy too, but i try and forget that last one.

[kjm030584]

He has some really bad songs... the past two don't even come close to phasing me, but there are some that I just have to good a sense to repeat.


Except here :muhaha:
Try to imagine him singing it really sweetly:

For the Ladies:
I kissed you on the cheek
?Good night my love? I say
You turned to me and smile
?A baby?s on the way.?

And then you drift asleep
To dream of life anew
And I lie wondering
Just what I should do

I could kick you in the stomach
And catch you unawares
I could swear to God you accidently
Fell that flight of stairs

When I tell you that I love you
I will look you in the eye
As I slowly slide the hanger up your thigh.
:muhaha:

[Little Bird]

I understand joking but I really don't like that last one

[kjm030584]

yeah, it's quite a bit crude. Not my favorite song, but I kind of get the humor in it... like literally it's not funny, it's just really sad, but you'd almost have to hear it to understand the humor in it. There are some of his songs that tweek me a little bit, which like I said rarely happens.

[Eibhlin]

well, i guess in a way it is not much worse than Country Death Song, or some other V.F. songs i used to like

darn, just when i was about to :gnash: :redface: too :rolleyes:

[kjm030584]

VF!?



EXPLAIN

[kjm030584]

sorry, caps lock.... lol

[Eibhlin]

VF= Violent Femmes,
here is that song i mentioned:

Country Death Song

Album: Hallowed Ground / Add It Up

I had me a wife, I had me some daughters.
I tried so hard, I never knew still waters.
Nothing to eat and nothing to drink.
Nothing for a man to do but sit around and think.
Nothing for a man to do but sit around and think.

Well, I'm a-thinkin' and a-thinkin', till there's nothin' I ain't thunk.
Breathing in the stink, till finally I stunk.
It was at that time, I swear I lost my mind.
I started making plans to kill my own kind.
I started making plans to kill my own kind.

"Come, little daughter," I said to the youngest one,
"Put your coat on, we'll have some fun.
We'll go out to the mountains, the one to explore."
Her face, it lit up, I was standing by the door.
Her face, it lit up, I was standing by the door.

"Come, little daughter, I will carry the lanterns.
We'll go out tonight, we'll go to the caverns.
We'll go out tonight, we'll go to the caves.
Kiss your mother goodnight and remember that God saves.
Kiss your mother goodnight and remember that God saves."

I led her to a hole, a deep black well.
I said "make a wish, make sure and not tell
And close your eyes dear, and count to seven.
Know your papa loves you, good children go to heaven.
Know your papa loves you, good children go to heaven."

I gave her a push, I gave her a shove.
I pushed with all my might, I pushed with all my love.
I threw my child into a bottomless pit.
She was screaming as she fell, but I never heard her hit.
She was screaming as she fell, but I never heard her hit.

Gather 'round, boys, to the tale that I tell.
You wanna know how to take a short trip to hell?
It's guaranteed to get your own place in hell.
Just take your lovely daughter and push her in the well.
Take your lovely daughter and throw her in the well.

Don't speak to me of lovers with a broken heart.
You wanna know what will really tear you apart?
I'm going out to the barn, with a never-stoppin' pain...
I'm going out to the barn, to hang myself in shame.

--G. Gano

i have a feeling that if you have never heard them you may like them :rolleyes: :pufi: :shudder:

[kjm030584]

yeah, i'd probably like them... *searches for bit torrents*

[kjm030584]

OMG..... I got "the Craig Machine" today..... instantly in love. I'm not really a big fan of the first song, Vanilla Ice Cream but the rest of the CD rocks.

[Eibhlin]

well i finally heard Stephen Lynch, the song Special Ed, that was pretty wacky i liked it
oh ya and One Month Dead, that was pretty funny too

[kjm030584]

lol... I love all of his songs. They make me feel happy in a special way.

[kjm030584]

Whitlin' Man is such a good song!

You must sample it on amazon. I swear you'll have it stuck in your head for ages